Man Steals Cars For A Living, Celebrates With Personal Numberplate

Off-Screen: His custom-made neon sign that reads 'Arrest Me!'

by Lewis Shaw

Like many people who earn a lot of money doing whatever it is they do, there came a time when the 30-year-old Shanwaz Khan thought he might celebrate his personal wealth by purchasing a vanity plate for his car.

However, unlike most people, it was a vanity plate that would soon lead to his arrest. Mainly because it let everyone know that his car was stolen.

'Who are we to close doors?' - Pope Francis says he would accept Martians into the Church

The statement has been hailed as a victory by
various Extra Terrestrial Rights groups

by Lewis Shaw

The 266th head of the Catholic Church Pope Francis is at it again with his edgy and path-finding ways. He has found himself in a more popular light than previous Popes after openly stating his acceptance of gays, even saying that he would consider same-sex unions in the Catholic Church.

But heads have been turned once again today for slightly different reasons, after stating that he would allow Martians to be baptised in the church.

Fox News Uses 'Random Sad Asians' Stock Footage in Ferry Disaster Report

by Lewis Shaw

Reports of a South Korean ferry sinking last month shocked people around the globe, as almost 300 people - many of which were young students - lost their lives.

But where many saw tragedy, the famed Fox News saw an opportunity for a marvelous gaffe - inferring that all Asians look the same.

Mayor Boris Johnson: London is for "a good time and loads of hot sex"

Boris also holds controversial views on 'two in the pink,
one in the stink.'

by Lewis Shaw

It would appear tufts of fluffy blonde hair aren't the only thing on Boris Johnson's mind - the Mayor of London recently said that one of the best things about his favourite city is people having lots of sex. Sexy sexy sex.

Mayor Boris told Total Politics magazine that 'one of the reasons cities are so successful is that they provide a huge assortment of potential mates - in business and pleasure.' He added that people were flocking to London in particular for 'a good time and loads of hot sex.'

Note-orious Dictator: Kim Jong-Un is Followed by Troupe of Note-Takers

'Mayo and no salad. No, no wait I mean 

salad and no mayo. Did you get that?'

by Kamran Ramsden

Newly released photos of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un have surfaced, prompting commentators to pose two key questions: 1) Is he still trying to make that haircut happen? And 2) Who are all those dudes in uniform with notebooks?

The photos show Kim Jong-un taking some time out of his usual busy schedule of rescuing orphans and taking down American fighter planes with his bare hands to be photographed visiting fisheries, youth camps and flight training bases, all the while with a gang of uniformed men brandishing notebooks following closely behind.