Noone Can Understand Cornish People, Say BBC

Way off the mark: BBC interpretation of Cornish people (left)
versus the real thing (right)

by General Alistair Baines

There have been a spait of complaints regarding the BBC's depiction of Cornish people in their flagship drama 'Jamaica Inn,' in which a group of smugglers mumble incoherently whilst dawdling through fields. (a far cry from the real thing, apparently. - ed.)

Cornwall has been the subject of many hardships since the fall of the Cornwall-Devon wall, but Cornish nationalism has seen a peak in recent years as Cornish people have been declared an ethnic minority.

'Jamaica Inn', a show that featured audio levels that left mice turning to their husbands and saying 'Can you hear that?' is the first of many avant garde whisper-dramas planned by the broadcasting corporation. It was dropped after over 2,000 people complained. A spokesperson from the Cornwall dramatic society was contacted to comment on the issue, but sadly could not be understood due to his mumbling tone and uncommunicative demeanour.

A manager at the Jamaica Inn, which still resides in it's original location, refused to comment. At least, we think that's what he said. When asked if he supported the war effort in Cornwall, director-general of the BBC Tony Hall said 'How did you get this number?' before hanging up.