Doner Dismay as Clegg Ruins Kebabs for Everyone

by Ben Hilton

Nick Clegg was left worried this week by the revelation that dodgy doner kebab meat may in fact be just that. 

The Deputy Prime Minister spoke recently on the issue of separating Church and the State, but everyone quickly forgot about that when he started talking s**t about kebabs.

When asked if he found the idea of ‘rodent’ meat in his kebab shop concerning or not, Nick Clegg responded ‘I’d be very concerned by that’, presumably choosing to hold back ‘who f***ing wouldn’t be?’

The statement raises the question of politicians choosing to go large on their meals. Clegg himself stated that his most recent fill up of fast food was ‘a McDonalds on an M1 service station’ on his way home after partying hard with the lads, sparking criticism for not supporting smaller businesses.

UKIP leader Nigel Farage was not asked to comment on the issue itself at this moment, or in any of the previous televised debates between himself and the Deputy Prime Minister, but his response would have most likely been along the lines of: ‘any self-respecting MP wouldn't care about the contents of the meat after 8 lagers.’ 

No further revelations have come out of this issue as of yet, but perhaps when Nick Clegg next decides to go for a kebab he will think twice, if not for the worry of accidentally eating the 'lost cat' advertised outside the shop, or the dodgy stomach he’ll have before Prime Ministers questions the next day.